Mixed Metaphors and More Bloopers

Here’s one of mine I just thought of: “Aim for the stars, shoot at the moon”

Below a few examples of mixed metaphors I found on the blog: therussler.tripod.com

- You must have ears like an eagle.
Sam Gerard in "The Fugitive"

- You need more sugar to get your brain circulating.
Dave Beck

- You have to dance to a different drum.
Laura Schlessinger

- You can take that to the bank and smoke it.
Stephen J. Cannell

- You can lead a gift horse to water but you can't look him in the mouth.
Gary Nijman

- You buttered your bread, now sleep in it!
Jiminy Cricket

- While we are ingesting the author's valuable insights, we may also be swallowing his blind spots.
Robert K. Oglesby

- When life throws you curve balls, make lemonade.
Earle Dukes Roberts III

- We need to have photographic ears.
Ken_Blanchard

- We need to get a vacuum cleaner and hose him down.
David Beck

- They'll never buy the cow if they can get the eggs for free.
Anonymous

- The early bird gathers no moss.
Darin_Scheff

- That may sound great on paper.
Sean Hannity

- … it’s right there on the tip of my brain
David R. Scott

- That's using your head for something besides a footstool.
Jeannette Scott

- That's a huge weight lifted off my head.
Shaun_Fiedler

- No use beating him over the head with a dead horse.
Durward_Cline

- Now, Senator McCain suggests that somehow, you know, I'm green behind the ears.
Barack Obama, October 7, 2008

- 99 times out of ten, that's what you'll get.
Kent_Martin

- Necessity is the mother of strange bedfellows.
Farber

- Listen! You smell something?
Ray Stantz

- Keep a stiff upper chin. (For those who have more than one I presume!)
James MacDonald

- It's like locking the barn door after the nuts have bolted. (The psychiatric ward barn door perhaps?)
Jayne Armstrong

- It's like ice cold electricity passing through your body.
A novelist

- I've been up and down so many times that I feel as if I'm in a revolving door.
Cher

- I was so excited my heart about fell out of my stomach!
"American Idol" contestant

And finally, the icing on the shit storm:
- Ignorance is golden.
Gary Swing



A few priceless bits and pieces from actual CVs and resumes, also taken from that same blog:

- Dear Sir or Madman, . . .
- Following is a grief overview of my skills.
- Hope to hear from you, shorty.
- I am a rabid typist.
- I have a keen eye for derail.
- I'm attacking my résumé for you to review.
- My work ethics are impeachable.



A few news writers and broadcasters suffering from foot-in-mouth disease:

- After his speech, the governor, accompanied by six children, his entourage and dozens of reporters, climbed out of his pool to pace along his chain-link fence, occasionally standing on his hind legs and tilting his head back.
--Los Angeles Times

- At next Wednesday's children's party it is expected that in two hours 300 children will consume 1,800 sandwiches and 900 fancy cakes, gallons of milk and tea, pounds of butter and a fishfryer, a plumber, a schoolmaster and a railway inspector.
--Yorkshire Gazette

- Happy Fathers' Day to all those fathers' days out there.
--field reporter at CNN

- It has been one of the warmest 1994s this century.
--Richard Allinson

- Kelly Gordon 43, descended into heaven on February 18, 2005 . . .
--Dallas Morning News obituary

- Mr. Firestone argued that his client was a student, had not been found guilty, and should not be sub-hauled by tank steamer to the east coast and then pumped back into the middle-west and the Great Lakes area through pipe-lines.
--Cleveland Press

- He had been roughed up and beaten by insects, the police said.
--Evening News

- So did you see which train crashed into which train first?
--BBC interviewer

- The tickets to the free concert have been sold out.
--radio announcer

- There's nothing wrong with pregnancy. Half the people wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for women being pregnant.
--Sarah Kennedy (I have no idea where she thinks the other half come from)

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