Persiflage & Paroxysm

Like many of my Lebanese compatriots, and indeed many Arabs, I have considered, even if only for the briefest of moments, the possible credibility of many a conspiracy theory that regularly creep into social media and even into mainstream media and some official pronouncements every now and then. The most barefaced and audacious lies that would only require a quick phone call or two from a dedicated journalist to debunk, are usually those that are believed most earnestly and that persist in popular culture and continue to make the rounds in social circles, even at the highest levels, at least that is the case in Lebanon. Normally intelligent people I know have considered the credibility of the most incredible claims, a recent example that comes to mind is that former US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton made the most scandalous and outrageous claims about US funding and training of ISIS and its leader Abu Bakr Al Baghdadi in her new book. The first question that comes, or shou

A sign should be erected at the entrance to the Down Town in Beirut, it should read, humourously: "Welcome to Down Town Abbey, the stately home of the Lords of Solidere, your lords and masters. The Lord of Solidere has kindly consented to open a part of his stately home to the general public between certain hours and on certain days. We are grateful for his lordship to give us, the unwashed masses, the opportunity to tour this sparkling (if useless) gem on the edge of Beirut  city, a modern metropolis that is ruled by chaos and where the car horn is an indispensable appendage to any mobile human. But please keep in mind that Down Town Abbey is private property and should be treated as such. There can be no expectation of free and unfettered access to any parts of it. Just because in the long distant past this piece of property was once the commercial heart of a capital city, there is no justification to assume it still is so. We thank you for your understanding and continued patr

Since the Turkish Republic’s founding, Turkey’s successive governments have failed to behave as ‘good neighbors’ towards any of the Arab countries, in particular those that border it. (Apart from some feeble attempts at feigning genuine support for the Palestinian cause while remaining a staunch ally of Israel). This, I think, is partly due to the Turk’s irrepressible feelings of superiority and betrayal towards the Arabs. As far as they are concerned, we are a lesser people, their subservient foot-kissers, they prefer us on our knees, or even better on our bellies, submitting fully to the mighty Turk. The betrayal they feel and have never forgiven us for was for the British-supported Arab Revolt against the Ottomans. The sublime porte maybe confined to the pages of history, but in its place is the Erdogan regime that dreams of a submissive and grateful Syria, a Syria ruled by the so-called ‘moderate opposition’. Assad is everything Erdogan hates: a strong Arab leader. It i

Can national States survive in the Levant after all that has happened? Or should minorities start to think of setting up a State or States of their own that, like IS, transcends current borders and protects their interests? Such a State could conceivably be a union of minorities. We need to ask ourselves: Are we still Arabs committed to the Arab national cause, is there or was there ever in fact such a cause? Or was it all just creative fiction designed by Arab strongmen to keep their ethnically and religiously diverse populations united, loyal and distracted? Are we as an Arabic-speaking region of one identity? Are the States whose straight, angular lines decorate our maps, in fact, still viable political national entities where religious systems could continue to coexist alongside secular legal systems? Are we still confident that these traditional nation States can meet our security and existential needs as minorities? These are all questions that any sane Levantine should start to

Among the reasons why petite bourgeoisie revolutions like the Arab Spring and March 14 (the date not the right wing Hariri-ite movement) did not work in changing anything (except make things worse) is because the intelligentsia did not form a vanguard party to lead these revolutions. Apart from the outdated, down-right Ottoman-era apparatus of the typical Arab State, the only other power base that can lead people in our part of the world is the religious estate. Sadly, our se cular intellectuals prefer the halls of universities where they can bask in the admiration of their students, or the unflattering light of television studios, rather than the jail cell, which is the rightful place of the conscientious intellect that refuses to accept the obscene status quo which has turned our society and political and economic system into a tool of repression, and populated the land with sycophants and yes men who fear their own shadows. Well, what option do a crushed and angry people have? In o

What can I say about Cyprus, I hadn’t visited that Island nation since 1989, at the time my mother and I had sought refuge briefly on the island, staying at a friend’s place. We had barely escaped the horrendous final act of the 1975-90 Lebanese civil war, talking a night ferry out of Jounieh Bay in late March. This time my visit was more relaxed, it was a mini-vacation of sorts, I decided that both my mom and I hadn’t taken a break in a long time and Cyprus was a familiar place and only a short hop away, perfect for a ten-day jaunt. A lot had changed over the past 25 years, I, for one, was now middle aged searching perhaps and trying to recapture the happy memories of my youth and our family summer vacations. In the 80s, we made four trips in total, all of which pleasant, apart from the sunburn that is! Agia Napa was a favorite of mine, its pristine beaches and crystal clear waters were inviting to a teenage Aquarian. It is said that water is the natural element for our si