The Backpackers’ Guide to the Lebanese Universe, Part 1


First thing worth noting: The Lebanese are so convinced of their own perfection, physical, spiritual, intellectual, of the perfection of their unassailable ideas, or the rightness of their attitudes towards others and life in general and of the accuracy of the knowledge they hold, that they are completely closed of to learning or evolving.

They are convinced that no one has anything of value to teach them, mostly because their memories of the learning process is of a hellish gauntlet in which they are assaulted by knowledge rather than flooded by its light. They are for the most part abused by teachers and schools into hating learning.

It’s the way we are taught in our schools that is partly to blame. Example: if I learn to read musical notes and can recognize the sound each scribble on a page makes, I can write complex pieces of music that others can in turn read and play on an instrument or sing flawlessly at first glance of the text. If on the other hand I do not know how to read music on a page, then the infinite complexity of a musical piece would be difficult to reproduce without first listening to a recording of the music several times to memorize the sounds and reproduce them. If we do not first master using our tools we cannot hope to use them to build anything of great value.

What we learn in school or university is meaningless and even misleading. The real Lebanese world is a chaotic incomprehensible mass of lies and half truths, secret winks and purveyors of you-didn’t-ask-so-why-should-I-tell-you, so much so that anyone claiming to understand this world is lying through their teeth. No self respecting Lebanese, of course, would ever admit being ignorant of anything under the sun.

The fact that many feign knowledge or cram a lot of knowledge in to their skulls in a short period of time to pass a social exercise or test, is well documented and standard operating procedure over here. It is a well rehearsed process the result of which can be seen in the many presentations given at conferences and seminars.

The clarity, confidence and passion with which many foreign speakers present their case on any subject is reassuring and enjoyable to sit and listen to, sadly, too many Lebanese speakers either lack the prowess and facility with language to push home their point or they have a less than firm grasp of the subject at hand.

I am not saying the Lebanese are ignorant, far from it in fact, they’re just lazy. Just because you have a Phd does not mean you don’t have to invest time into learning a new skill or understanding a new concept, it does not mean you are freed of the demands that intellectual rigor imposes on us all to master a subject first before speaking on it.

The great thing about what I do, observing human beings going about their daily lives, is that so many things that are hidden and kept private in Western cultures are free to air here. Just listen to a conversation between two neighbors shouting out private details from their respective balconies and you will understand what I’m talking about.

Get in to any taxi and chances are that by the time you reach your destination you would have learned how the driver’s mother was cured of ‘that illness’ (heaven forbid should we ever mention the word cancer) after a visit to the monastery of Mar Wachamacallhim and how his daughter working in Dubai just bought a hybrid car and how she wants him to scrap his gas guzzling 1980s Mercedes Benz. Now that is an education, but only if you record the information with detachment and classify it and cross reference it with other juicy tidbits. Observation can be very intellectually stimulating and rewarding in Lebanon, but never ever fall into the trap of getting too involved.

Like the Siren’s call, the garrulous Lebanese have an almost hypnotic effect on the heart and mind; they have an incredible ability to make you feel like you belong to their world which you eagerly, being human, try to embrace. Only later do you find out how intolerable the demands of their world can be on your patience, your open mind, and even your wallet.

There is no human tribe on Earth that can match the Lebanese at a game of psychological Three-card-Monty. Be careful you do not give too much away, as any information you choose to broadcast will be manipulated and twisted and garnished with salt and pepper. Better leave them guessing, Lebanese embellishments are usually more flattering than boring facts anyway.

It all comes down to education, not the sort you get in school, which is over rated anyway, no, the sort you get from the streets, from watching people. But in living among the Lebanese there are two things to always remember: never let them push your buttons because they will try, and never give too much away or be too trusting.

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